Have a story about Dominic or picture you'd like to share?  Send them to Chris at cjzahlis@gmail.com and I will post them here.  

12/03/09 Look below for new stuff...andrea

Dom's Favorite Songs

All the songs on this website were favorites of Dom's...and of course, there were others, too.  Here's a little background on the songs we picked, plus a few others:

Hey Jude by The Beatles: Dom auditioned for the school musical the week before he died.  Corinne and I hadn't left the school yet...and the director, Donald, said that the auditions could be in reverse-alphabetical order, so that Dominic could sing before we snuck out.  Dom was so confident in his introduction.  "My name is Dominic.  My favorite color is green.  I don't really have a favorite food.  And I'm going to sing you a song by the Beatles called Hey Jude."  Corinne and I figured that very few of the kids had ever even heard that song, but we knew the directors had.  He sang so well! Caren brought over the cast list the day before he died.  He was really proud of the parts he got in the play because he had two solos.  Corinne and Dom played the video with the songs that evening...and he was really, really proud.  He was going to be great. 

Here Comes the Sun by the Beatles: This was his first favorite Beatles song.  He had it on his ipod, and I would play it for him in the morning as he struggled to wake up.  He was not a morning person...but the music seemed to help.

Snails by The Format: The Format sang at Carolyn & Pat's wedding.  Dom was a ring-bearer and was sitting in the front row.  He sang along with the entire song.  We thought he was pretty cool.

His other favorites: Names for Dogs by Limbeck (actually, anything by Limbeck), Time Bomb by The Format, Bad Day by Daniel Powter, American Pie by Don McLean.  He was also a big fan of Weird Al Yankovic, and songs on the Spongebob Yellow Album.

Dominic was sincerely appreciative for every kindness shown to him. 

He accepted compliments graciously, and would say things like, "Thank you so much.  That makes me feel good."  He meant it.  Just after  Christmas, Dominic found a hat at a surf shop that was very cool.  He loved that hat, and told me that he got compliments every time he wore it.  His friend, Kyle, came to play, and Dom ran upstairs to get his hat.  When he returned, Kyle said, "Hey, cool hat!" and Dominic replied, "The trend continues!" 

He was touched by the smallest gestures.  When he was feeling sick and nauseous, any little thing that any of us did for him was greeted with sincere thanks.  "Thank you SO much (Mom, Dad, Corinne, Audrey) for..."  I think I will always be able to hear his sweet voice saying thank you.

He knew how to show his appreciation.  This past Christmas, Grandma Z gave Dom a wonderful book which his Pop had given him a few months prior.  When Grandma Z asked if he already had the same book, he thoughtfully responded, "Yes, but I'm just so happy that you know me well enough to know that I would love this book." 

The worst day of my life.  SADNESS WARNING: This text is very sad.  If you want happy, scroll down to the picture of the tasty pretzel.  

 Friday, January 25, 2008 was a really bad day.  It started off fairly normal, but just got worse at every step, leading up to every parent's nightmare.  I had all of a parent's fears play out in one day, dosed out to me in numbingly painful portions every few hours.  Below is a transcript of text messages between me and a good friend throughout the day.  These short messages capture my real-time state of mind on the worst day of my life.   

I knew Dom had a witty sense of humor when...

...our family was visiting from California and we took a trip to Amish country in Pennsylvania.  Dominic was probably four at the time (Andrea will correct me later).  Heading towards Philly from Lancaster County, we passed through a small town and I noticed that every other store seemed to be a pretzel shop.  Shoe store...pretzel shop...barber...pretzel shop...hardware store...pretzel shop....you get the idea.  I pointed this out to everyone in the van.  A few moments later, out of nowhere, this small, ho hum voice calls out from the back: 

"What is this?  Pretzylvania?"

I knew then my little boy had a keen wit and sharp sense of humor.  I'm thankful for the many, many jokes and wordplay we shared together in all our geeky glory.

I knew this kid was creative when...

This one will get revised by Andrea and the girls, but this is how I remember it.  It took me a while to figure this one out.  I'd come home from work and ask Dom about his day, and he'd say to me:

"No one came over to play with me today, and we had a great time"

But he was happy about this news.  Hmmmm....this kid seemed confused.  Then he'd go on to say:

"Oh yeah.  Nobody was there, too."

Yup....reeeeealllly confused.

As it turned out, Dom had two invisible friends, No One and Nobody (they were brother and sister).  The description of his 'play dates' with No One and Nobody are crazy funny.  Andrea has some written down somewhere...perhaps we'll post some later.  Although the details fade, I remember so vividly how proud I felt listening to these remarkable stories (once I figured out what was going on).  They were just so thoughtful and rich in detail coming from a four year old boy.  He amazed me.  By the way, No One and Nobody had a very nice dad (according to Dom) - his name was Not Anyone.  I miss this kid.

 Hand sanitizer

We have SO many stories about hand sanitizer and hand washing! Bizarre, right?  

When Dom was little, he would only wash his hands with WARM water...not cold...it needed to be WARM. If it wasn't, we needed hand sanitizer. As he grew up, he would call out the other kids when they used the bathroom and didn't wash their hands. One day, a friend (whose name has been omitted for his own protection) peed in our yard. Dom was shocked...and ran into the house, and came out chasing his friend down with hand sanitizer. (The girls and I watched the whole comic scene from an upstairs window.)

Another time,  we were traveling to Virginia with the Hoots family, and were stuck in traffic...the  "turn off the engine and get out of the car" kind of traffic. Dom needed to pee, but hated peeing without a proper bathroom. Luckily we had hand sanitizer and could coax him into relieving himself.  

The morning that Dom died, he fell in the bathroom. Chris and I were baffled, and carried him over to our bed. (His foot was really hurting for no apparent reason and we were trying to ask him questions.) He had just peed though...and hadn't yet washed his hands.  

Q - "Dom, what happened?"  A - "I just need hand sanitizer."

Q - "Where does your foot hurt?" A - "Please, can I just get some hand sanitizer."

Yes, I did comply and calmed him down with a little purel. How crazy that he was so germ conscious. But maybe that's why he was usually so healthy, right?  

 Dom loved music

Dominic really liked making music. After Dom's funeral, Audrey pointed out that we didn't mention that he wrote music. (Our friend, Angela, had even offered to play Dominic's song at the funeral, as it was written on note paper.) Dom had written a song on the piano, and then recorded it into garage band using the "letter" keyboard. (Not the easiest way to do it.)  

So for Christmas this year, we gave Dom a new keyboard to connect into the mac. He thought it was the best present he had ever received. (His friend, Brady, said that Dom had told him this too.) He never really had a chance to use it, though, because we had to ship it back to MD from California, and then Dom started feeling sick mid-January. One day soon, we'll upload his recorded song as he played it on the "letter" keyboard. It's so nice.  

Whenever anyone new came into our house during his last few months, Dom would run to the piano to show off his new song.  He liked having an audience. He wasn't a prodigy or anything like that...but he was pretty good, and wanted to be great (like his friend, Ben). He hoped to play piano in the jazz band in middle school.  

Chris and I sometimes speculated that Dom could be in a band someday, like uncle Pat. He was talented on the piano, sang beautifully, and was clever with words.  So cool, right? Who knows?

How exciting! A blender.

 Christmas Memories

Dominic was an amazing gift to our family.  But our gifts to him weren't always so amazing.  

Our family has been pretty good about letting one person open Christmas gifts at a time.  It stretches the morning out, and gives everyone the opportunity to see what's being opened and their reactions.  In 2004, Dom was opening a gift from someone (who was not present, and shall remain anonymous).  He pulled off the paper and hollered with a trace of confusion and astonishment in his voice, "A barbie!?!  They gave me a barbie,"  and tossed it into the air. (Seven year old boys don't generally play with barbies.)  We tried to explain through our tears of laughter that it was more like an action figure...a wilderness barbie guy.  But he wasn't buying it.  We were so amused by his appalled,  but good-humored reaction that we vowed to get him special presents each year from then on.  

2005, then, was the year of the crock pot...what all 8 year old boys want!  And 2006...well, he really needed a new blender.  2007 was nice.  He was just thrilled about his  strainer and a prayer candle (with a picture of an emaciated Lazarus and his skinny dog).  

 Dom's Stuffed Animals

All of you that ever spent any time with Dominic knew how he felt about stuffed animals. He simply loved them.  Every trip was commemorated with a  new animal.  He named them all and was careful to give them each attention.

Here are a few of the stories that are jumping out of my head:

Dom loved taking animals out with the Millers to play under "the tree". They always seemed to take the tiny ones.  After Dom passed away, Eva & Nealon came over and picked out a few animals to keep, and they knew all of the animals' names, and stories about them. Nealon astutely pointed out that Dominic would be happy to know that someone was still playing with them.

Dom didn't like to write BCR's. He was great with creating comic books, and had lovely penmanship...just hated writing. I recall his first grade teacher asking what would motivate him, and saying that he does better when the stuffed animals ask him to do things. He just communicated well through the animals when he was little.

Logan and Dom would play with the largest stuffed animals. Dom usually brought "Puppy" to Logan's, and Logan would get his giant "Dominic" out.

Apparently, when Dom and Sam played with stuffed animals, they gave them "powers". After Dom passed away, Sam came over and selected Gorill.  Gorill's special power was super-pooping. Hard to envision when that power would come in handy.  

Because stuffed animals made Dom so happy, he always wanted to play the carnival games at amusement parks so he could win them. One day at Hershey Park, Dom was coming up short, but his friend, CJ, (who's a great pitcher), was having success knocking things down. CJ gave Dom one of his stuffed animals that day, and really made Dominic sooo happy. Thanks, CJ.

The morning before Dommy died, he asked me to bring him Harry (a horse puppet). He hadn't played with Harry lately. He had Harry on his hand telling me that, "Dominic was asleep."  He seemed so young at that moment. Then they took a nap. I woke them up to head to the doctor's appt. at 8:45...and the rest is history. 

We buried Dom with a few of his most special animals: White Bear, Green Bear, Fuzzy and his newest Ugly Doll. Chris, the girls, and I kept a few of our favorites.  And a few friends have selected ones that were special to them. Stuffed animals will always remind us of Dom...in all his sweetness.

Dom left me a note in Oct. '07. Even his notes were well thought out.

 Can we brag now?

Dom was sooo smart.

I can say that now, right? You can really only say stuff like that to your closest friends, family and maybe teachers. And if we bragged about how smart he was, we would temper it with "but..." statements.  So, now I can just blurt it out.  He was crazy smart. 

When Dom was just 3, he could read enough words to load software games onto the computers: Next, Exit, Finish, Start, Accept.  I would tell him to wait until his dad  came home or do it himself...and he would just do it. By the time he was 4, he could sit in the shopping cart with the grocery list, and guide me through the store.  He would cross things off as I bought them. At that time, he had a little table in his room with crayons, pencils and paper in a bin. He called it his office. One day, he went up to his office and drew a floorplan of our house, labeled all the rooms and the stairs. It was amazing for his spacial understanding, drawing ability, and writing. 

Dom always did well in school, but he did hate to regurgitate information. He wanted everything he wrote to be a masterpiece, and that caused him a lot of anxiety. Yet he still scored in the 99th percentile in both reading & math, wrote beautiful stories, and had tremendous comprehension. 

A card we found after Dom's death in a card file.

By kindergarten, he could  read fluently. He went with the first graders for enrichment, because academically he was so advanced. He would spend time each day with a special teacher (whose name escapes me...but she was at the funeral) since he didn't need to learn what letters were which. His goals for his first few years of school were just the non-academic goals: social, motor, independence.  

Now, we keep finding examples of his bright mind: hilarious comic books he wrote and illustrated, his critical analysis of which pro football team he should support, a notebook full of his inventions, examples of codes and ciphers that he wrote on note cards and filed into an index card box alphabetically.  He was unique...and brilliant. 

yeah, he didn't like the tower of terror

Not a Wild Rider

Dom was both cautious and self-assured. So it's really not surprising that he didn't like taking "risks" and was very strong-minded about his decisions. He did not like scary rides, and couldn't be teased, begged, or bribed into going on rides that were out of his comfort zone.

Last summer, we met up with our friends from Maryland, the Paltings, at California Adventure. Luckily, CJ wasn't a big roller-coaster kid either. So Candido (CJ's dad) took them over to the "redwood" area with rock climbing, tire swings, rope ladders, and all that fun stuff. After a while, Dominic ended up wading through the "river" with his tennis shoes on. Hours later, sloshing about in his wet shoes was making him crazy, so we picked up some Disney flip flops to get through the day. We were all amused by it. No, he didn't like wild rides, but he loved running around and getting messy.

riders will get wet

Dom's favorite ride of all time was the Grizzly River Run. It's a relatively fast ride...but the most significant element of the ride is that just a few riders in each raft seem to get significantly more wet than the others. In our family, it always seemed to be Uncle Pat getting really soaked. Dom loved going on the ride, and then laughing at Pat. 

Dom always had an amazing time at California Adventure. Looking back, we have great memories of letting him have fun his way...he loved the arcades, found amusement in the kiddie rides, revelled in getting soaked, treasured the signatures of the characters, and adored spending time with his family. Dom enjoyed his wonderful childhood!  We are so thankful for that!

 Dom the Cub Scout...

I didn't love the idea of Dom starting up with cub scouts. In first grade, Dom asked about joining scouts, but admit I discouraged it. (Corinne & Audrey hadn't loved girl scouts; and the boy scouts I knew growing up were...well...really geeky. Sorry.)

But then Dominic started 2nd grade. He came up to me and stated so confidently, "Mom, I really want to do cub scouts this year. I know you think it's dorky, but I think it's cool." I was so impressed! Dom wasn't decisive about most things, but in this instance he was absolutely sure of himself. So, of course, we signed him up. That first year, we were somewhat involved, but it was simply another activity squished in between sports and swimming and school work. 

Then Chris took the reigns from me, and both of them enjoyed it so much more. The activities were really wonderful for the boys. Chris has so many amazing memories from those few years of scouts, and I think he'll share some of them here.

Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches

Dominic didn't care much about food. Food was not a reward nor a punishment, because it just didn't matter to him. He ate when he realized he was hungry, and that's about it. He liked things bland, vanilla, simple. His favorite foods were pasta with cheese, and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  

Dom ate a PB&J every single school day from the time he started kindergarten, and probably 75% of the non-school days. He never got bored with them. He really only liked red rasberry preserves, so many of his friends had a jar stashed in their refrigerators for when he'd visit.

Poor Dominic got his braces put on in December...just a few weeks before he died. His orthodontist put these blue "pillows" (which were actually hard) on his back molars to keep him from biting down and snapping off brackets (I think). Dom complained that it was awfully hard to chew since his teeth wouldn't meet. Good point! One of these "pillows" came off within days, so I took him back to Dr. Markin's office to have it replaced. He wandered back to the patient area and pleaded his case with the doctor. He said that he could barely even eat his peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with those attached, and that he was really missing his favorite food. Dr. Markin and the staff came back out to the waiting room in such a good humor, saying that Dominic had charmed his way out of having the "pillow" replaced. He was totally relieved, and I was proud that he was so endearing, and so amusing.

 Camper Dom at Hashawha

Dominic only went to sleep-away summer camp at Hashawha two times, when he was 8 and 9, but they were such important adventures for him.  (Prior to that, he did several cool camps, but only stayed away from home for the one night camp out at Lake Elkhorn each year here in town.)

Hashawha was cool. I can't say too much about their activities because I was obviously not there. But it was a traditional summer camp experience, with crafts, campfires, lakes, hiking, and that sort of thing. He absolutely loved it. The leather and bead necklace he wore at camp was slung over the corner of his bunk bed at home permanently. 

We just developed the disposable camera Dom took to camp, and found these and other fun pictures of the posse from Columbia that went to Hashawha with Dominic in 2006. There were fun pictures in the cabin, and of random areas around the camp. Add this to the list of cool things Dominic experienced during his short life. He wasn't adventurous about food or roller-coasters, but he loved nature...and all the running, climbing, swimming, and playing he could manage.

 Bubble Boy

Dom pretty much always took bubble baths. Other boys graduated to quick showers, but Dominic was still in bubble bath mode until the very end. He also liked to use multiple kinds (flavors) of shampoos at each bath. Who wouldn't want to come out smelling like "midnight pomegranate/spash of sunny orange/burst of blueberry"? It might have been wasteful...(he didn't have THAT much hair)...but he was happy, so I didn't worry about it.

Generally my way to get Dom moving toward his bath was to start the bath and just let him know the water was running. He feared that the tub would someday over-fill, flood down to the lower floors, and potentially ruin his toys and video games in the basement. So once he knew the water was on, he wasted very little time before charging upstairs.

 Back in Dominic's preschool days, I'd substitute "bath dye" for the bubbles occasionally. They were little tablets of primary colors that you could add to the tub for red, blue, green, or purple water. (We generally skipped yellow...who wants to get into yellow water?)

When I think about how terribly much I miss Dominic, I often picture him fresh out of the bathtub, in his pajamas, combing his long messy hair, smelling like a fruit bowl of flavors.

 Gotta Draw 'Em All

When Dom was a little dude (4-5) he was particularly into Pokemon. (He actually liked Pokemon games up until he was just about 10, when he decided they were no longer cool.) But during those first few years, he definitely spoke the Pokemon language. When he was little, he didn't fully understand that he was supposed to buy packs of trading cards and do something with them, so he tried to "collect" Pokemon by drawing them. Dom would draw the unevolved and evolved versions of his favorite Pokemon, color them, cut them out, and play with them. He would beg me to draw them for him as well, and I became a very proficient Pokemon artist.

Dominic eventually moved on to drawing comic books, and had a whole cast of characters. For the most part, his comic books contained farm animals: a pig named "Ham", a cow named "Milk"...you get the picture. I will definitely scan in some of his work because it's hilarious. 

For now, I'm just posting a little "table drawing" that we saved one evening when we ate at Rocky Run. Before Mimi's arrived in Maryland (just a few months before Dominic died), his favorite restaurant was Rocky Run. It was one of those places where you could color on the table, and sit in various sections (e.g. the Spongebob booth, the Beatles section, or the Disco table). We were brainstorming different animals that Dom could draw. His final product was too cute to leave on the table, so we tore off his section and kept it.

Believing

So Dom's last Christmas was 2007, which we spent back in California. I had shipped a huge box (which included all the stocking stuffers) on the 10th, but it didn't arrive in time for Christmas, and we had to scramble to buy new things for the kids' stockings. Dominic still believed in Santa, after all, and we couldn't explain that he was a day late. But then, there was some justifying the late arrival of some additional gifts.

Audrey let slip that she had selected one of the things in Dom's stocking for him...(it may have been the balloon bridge architecture kit??) But she covered quickly. When Dom didn't react too much to either slip, we figured that he had a pretty good idea about Santa but was choosing to keep on believing anyway. (How many kids persist in believing so that they don't risk losing the Santa presents?)

In mid-January, 2008, then, Christmas was over. Corinne, Audrey, Dom, and I were meeting Chris at Mimi's for dinner. Sitting at a little table in the waiting area, the girls and I started telling Dominic what we thought he already knew (or at least suspected). Dominic was crushed. His shoulders dropped, his eyes stared down, and he barely said another word. He was so disappointed. When Chris arrived at the restaurant, he saw how sad Dominic was, and we all felt terrible.

That's one of many regrets I have. Dom died two weeks later. It turns out that he didn't need to know the truth. He could have lived every day of his life earnestly believing in Santa. I'm sorry, buddy.