Marriah . . . I don't know what to say. Today was the first time that I've been able to post something on your wall. It's as hard as I thought it would be. I feel like I've let you down because I wasn't there to protect you. You know that I've always tried to keep you safe. I'd been so worried about you the last few months and now I know why. If there was any way that I could have traded places with you on November 22nd, you know that I would have, and you would be writing this to me instead of me to you. My love for you is special. I've always said that I loved my children equally, and I do; but my love for you transcends the love of a father for his daughter. In some ways you were my best friend. During the years of my life that I raised you alone, we developed a special bond. No matter how bad things were for you, you always gave me emotional support and encouragement. You were wise and gentle beyond your years. Most importantly, you gave me something to live for. Knowing that you depended on me helped me focus and gave me strength. Having each other to rely on helped us both get through some very tough times.
As you grew older I still wanted to protect you, and help you through every obstacle you faced. Part of the deep pain and grief that I felt when our little Gideon passed away was for you. I just wanted to hold you and tell you it would be all right, but I was afraid that things would never be all right for you again. I knew how bad I felt, and I knew that you were hurting even more. I just couldn't imagine what you were going through . . . until now.
I do have some comfort in knowing that you love me as much as you do. You told several people about what I've just said. That you and I had a special bond. I remember several times when you joked about how it seemed like you and I had more of a brother sister than a father daughte relationship. I always agreed somewhat, but we both knew that it was the special bond between us that gave our relationship that feeling. At times I was your only confident, and you could always tell me anything - things that you couldn't tell anyone else - because you knew how much I loved you and always would, no matter what.
Marriah, I want you to know how incredibly proud I am of you for so many reasons. You were the only person that could have taken care of Gideon as completely as you did. You loved him with every ounce of your soul, and he loved you back the same. You're intelligence amazed me, and your artistic and musical talents left me in awe and wanting more. The turn out at your memorial service gives testament to how special you are to so many people. I bet there would have been twice as many people if everyone who wanted to come was able to. As it was, they were standing outside lined up and down the street slowing traffic. I've never known a person that has touched the lives of as many people as you. You were loved by so many. Even now, when I look at the posts and messages for and about you, I'm amazed. I didn't realize just how many friends you really did have. That's because you were always so kind and generous and willing to make friends with anyone and everyone. Of everything I'm proud of you for, this makes me the proudest.
Marriah, I'm trying to cope with losing you, but sometimes it's impossible. It's like a terrible recurring nightmare that I can't awake from. I know that I have other people here who need me and depend on me, and I'm trying to be strong like you were, but I have a wound to my heart that will never heal. I know this is something that you can understand. You'll be in my thoughts every waking second of everyday. I'll try to keep my head up and be positive about life, but I won't really be happy until I'm with you again. When that time comes I know that you and Gideon will be greating me with open arms, I'll see your precious smiles again, and we can be together for eternity.
I Love You Marriah.