Memorial created 02-21-2007 by
Heidi Christina Hausmann
Maria Urban- Hausmann
May 11 1924 - February 17 2007
Wife, Mother, Grandmother, Daughter, Sister and Friend.
This online memorial was created in loving memory of Maria Hausmann, whose life story is told throughout this memorial website. Please sign Maria's guest book and let us know you came to visit. We will remember Maria forever and hope through our words and thoughts for our mother, we can help you through this terrible grief process that only those of us who have lost people know takes time, tears and strength to move beyond. Please visit ALL pages at your convenience. Laugh with us and cry with us - we welcome you on our journey. Born in Germany, Maria Urban Hausmann was a wonderful lady. If we could describe her in two words it would have to be "Simply elegant." No other person could make simplicity so elegant as she could. She was proud to be an American, but never lost her love and pride of her beloved homeland. She lived a simple life and worked hard throughout it, until her body became too frail and weak to do more. She was a great daughter, a wonderful sister, an awesome wife, a loving mother and a nurturing grandmother. Her physical strength in spite of great physical trials amazed her family, friends and doctors alike. No one could ever deny her fight for Life and incredible passion for it. She loved to laugh and shared that laughter with all who knew her. Her faith sustained her and her devotion to her husband, children and grandchildren became the foundation of her Life. She loved to travel and did alot of it - creating a lifetime of memories that carried her through some dark moments in recent years as she would relive every awesome moment (the adventure ever as fresh in her heart and mind) when "recaptured" in thought and words. Maria was an amazing cook... her meals the envy and "talk" of her family, her church, gym, neighbors and friends alike. In these last few years, Maria's incredible spirit and ever-loving heart continued to touch all who got to know her. Maria Urban Hausmann was an inspiration to many. She was the keystone of her family and although we mourn her loss here and now, we find solace in knowing she is with our Lord and relieved from the painful journey she has been on. Rest in peace dear Daughter of Christ, Maria Urban Hausmann. We love and miss you terribly. Heidi (Christina), Roy, and Eric
Mom's Favorite Scripture
"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones,
and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to rend, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
A time of war and a time of peace."
Our True-to-Life Proverbs 31 Woman: Our Mother...
Proverbs 31:10-31 (NIV)
"A worthy woman who can find? For
her price is far above rubies.
The heart of her husband trusteth
in her, And he shall have no lack of gain.
She doeth him good and not evil All
the days of her life.
She seeketh wool and flax, And
worketh willingly with her hands.
She is like the merchant-ships;
She bringeth her bread from afar.
She riseth also while it is yet night;
And giveth food to her household,
And their task to her maidens.
She considereth a field, and buyeth it;
With the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
She girdeth her loins with strength,
And maketh strong her arms.
She perceiveth that her merchandise is profitable:
Her lamp goeth not out by night.
She layeth her hands to the distaff, And her hands hold the spindle.
She stretcheth out her hand to the poor;
Yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid of the snow for her household;
For all her household are clothed with scarlet.
She maketh for herself carpets of tapestry;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sitteth among the elders of the land.
She maketh linen garments and selleth them,
And delivereth girdles unto the merchant.
Strength and dignity are her clothing;
And she laugheth at the time to come.
She openeth her mouth with wisdom;
And the law of kindness is on her tongue.
She looketh well to the ways of her household
Her children rise up, and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praiseth her, saying:
"Many daughters have done worthily, But thou excellest them all.
Grace is deceitful, and beauty is vain;
But a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her works praise her in the gates."
|Thank you, Sweet Vonnie for this Photo - We love it!|
We Think of You Yesterday, Today and Always Mom...
In Loving Memory of our Dear, Sweet Mom, Wife, Grandmother, Sister, Daughter and Friend...
5-11-24 to 2-17-07
812 Days since you left us physically Mama. Happy Angel-versary in Heaven tomorrow!
Dear Mom & All,
I came by today since I know tomorrow is going to be another tough day for me and us, so I wanted to leave you something special to let you know it is as difficult to think of you "gone from us" today as it was on that Friday, now two years ago! It was then that your Hospice nurse said you "would make it through the weekend, most likely Sunday" and I remember us thinking to ourselves - "This is sooo surreal" - the 'Death Cycle' had already begun and there was nothing we could do about it! We could not determine your final hour, yet we knew your death was inevitable ANY moment.
Saturday, 4:45pm, February 17th, 2007, Mama, you took your last shallow breath and joined our Dear Father in Heaven. I will never forget how numb we all were and how we remained with you looking so peaceful, beautiful, even in your death for 3 hours more, not able to "let go" quite yet!
Those last weeks Mama, STILL HAUNT ME and when I remember back to that Friday, I remember driving all around town in the morning just to find you a cervical pillow - anything to make you more comfortable and being called back to the house by Dad and Roy and their thinking you were "slipping fast."
The moments became excruciating - I am sure for you as well, since you could not talk anymore and you could not eat for so many days and all we could do was hold you, pray with you, love you as best we could, hoping you could hear us and still feel us there beside you.
Then came that fateful night, I remember Dad and I stayed close beside you all night, falling in and out of slight sleep, and just watching to see if you were still breathing, siphoning your lungs often and giving you as much Morphine as we could without overdosing you - anything just to provide some semblance of comfort.
I remember Roy coming with Michele the next morning and knowing, somehow we all did, that you were not going to make it another full day - yet hoping, in our own way you would either pass in your sleep or the Lord would take you gently. It was not meant to be, Mama. We stood beside you - the Hospice nurses and us doing everything we could to care for you - clean you, bathe you, change you, I remember lotioning your hands and feet, gently brushing your hair - and all of it, none of it, was "good enough" and then, amidst your "Death Cycle" we began to hear the awful choking noises of what the nurse referred to as "The Death Rattle."
Do you know I can STILL HEAR THAT AWFUL sound as if it were today? It haunts me to no end - knowing full well your biggest fear was to choke to death, never in a million years did I ever believe your end would involve the very thing you so feared and we would have to witness it!
Life and Death are crazy that way, Mom. The saints and good, gentle, loving people of the world have to suffer so, and the creeps, selfish and seemingly evil ones die in their sweet sleep - I will never understand that part of passing Mom - we all felt you deserved to go so sweetly but God must have felt you were up for the task and perhaps your eternal journey was meant to far surpass your temporal one and the ones we do not see suffer have to remain in suffering, whereas our promise of a pain-free eternal life is so wonderful indeed.
I pray you are experiencing Paradise Mom because I could not think of anyone that earned it more. People always say I am so giving and loving, but compared to you, I pale in comparison for sure.
Mom, there are times in this current life I would love to be with you so badly. Not suicidal in the least - not a part of me, but this life is not how I had hoped and prayed it would be. The world has changed so much, that some times as much as I love Life, it does not seem to be the same without you here. You made it so full, you always made me see things so brightly and now it just seems work, work, work, pain and drama fill so many lives. I felt like the most powerful candle Mom and now I feel like a flickering spark only.
I am still a giver and a lover Mom, but I am beginning to see what you meant when you told me a month before you left, "Sweetheart, please do not make the same mistakes I did. I wish better for you."
Mom, it looks like my life will be full of work and little reward as well. Maybe God just thinks we are strong enough women to handle it all? I do not know but at times, I am so lonely. So many people around me don't seem to care about anything but themselves and it kills me, because I do not think that is what God intended for us all. Or they just seem to "go through the motions, getting the bare minuimum done," rather than going "that extra mile" you and Dad always taught me to give.
There are times, I just want to close my eyes and join you. I am not afraid of dying anymore Mom. At times, I am more afraid of Life! I am truly pressing in as close as possible to God Mom and I feel you and Him in my Life continuously, but when I am with people who do not share our depth of belief, it is hard at times to keep on keeping on. I am sure you know what I am feeling. Smile! And I can hear "you are okay Puppa" from Heaven, but it remains harder than I ever imagined at this important turning point in my Life. I figured all those years of labor would be rewarded by now - a simple life, but I work more now than even before. I think I am making a difference in kids' lives but I can't even begin to budge the adults I am around - they are so stuck in their ruts and refuse to do anything to better themselves for everyone's sake. It saddens me but I do not take it personally anymore.
I love you Mom. And on this the eve of your passing, I just wanted to stop by and wish you a blessed and Heavenly 2nd Angel-versary! Please celebrate with Gino and Bill, Helen, Juanita, Sally, Carl, Cathy, Ernie, Butch, your sisters and your parents, k? So many souls have passed, I am sure you are friends with all of them. I get that from you Mama - thanks for that gift of loving people even when they are not so lovable at times.
I am okay, just a bit more alone than I care to admit. I wish we would have had you a few more years - healthy and happy with us. I long for our reunion and know when God intends it, we will all be together once again, only this time for keeps. Plan on getting big bear hugs when we do unite k? I think I will not let go at all.
Hugs and Kisses Mom and to all reading this, be good to yourselves and to those you love for one does not know when the I Love You's you/I say, may be your/my last. Stop arguing and start loving.
A Continuing Grieving Daughter, 104 weeks and 6 days after my Mom left me.
Please check out page 56 - I have added a few more things as has Priscilla - she has been so sweet in helping me with your site and has made it even more beautiful. Thanks Cilla - we love you!
Mom, this is how I picture Heaven and I just feel a song like this will be heard and played when we have our reunion. I long for that day but know there is a purpose for me to still be here, so be here I will and I will do so praising Him every day until we are together again. THEN the praising will get even stronger and better, to share that Glory with you.
Just Me & Spirit Loving You As Ever & Always
Saturday, February 12th, 2011
Wow, Mama. 4 Long, LONG years since I have hugged you and touched you. 1,456 days from today, but WHO's counting? Me, for one. Dad, for another. Roy, for another. And everyone who misses you, which is everyone who knew you Mom. It hurts JUST as much today as it did 4 years ago. The "ache" in our hearts will never go away. I know that NOW and I have learned how to accept your death and celebrate the memories of your Life better since your death, but never a day goes by within which you are not missed, thought of, prayed for and felt.
I do not visit this Memorial daily as I used to in the first two years. I do not visit multiple times each month as I used to in the third year. I found Virtual Memorials to be my "therapy site" and it proved so helpful so often as I suffered greatly from missing you so much. I returned to the Bible full-time and although I have read it many times, I find that this past year opened up so many more avenues for me within its pages. Maybe it takes growing older or almost dying before one truly understands their purpose in Life fully. This 4th year finds me visiting once a month and your gravesite more often now that I am in Southern CA again. As you know, I talk to God freely through His Son Jesus and I find myself on hikes talking to you openly and often.
2010 ended on a somber note. It was a quiet and nice set of Holidays. I am still suffering from the consequences of being a klutz and falling off a speedboat following a great day of swimming and diving in the Virgin Islands. The fall itself left me with leg/knee and ankle injuries which were bad enough, but I was healing from them when I managed to acquire a bad case of MRSA staph infection and it left me bedridden and pretty messed up.
The doctors were able to do the surgeries necessary to rid me of the MRSA and the 5 scars left are now healing well as are the leg and knee. The ankle still swells up alot after activity, but I tell you Mom, so often in all of this pain, I take myself back to all of your hospital rooms and your long, painful demise and it makes me honor and respect you even more than I already did.
When one is in such gut-wrenching pain, a secular person could easily turn bitter and blame God for it all. I found myself doing what you did - getting even closer to Him and cementing my faith even more deeply. I value going through your last chapter in such a different light now and it has helped me SEE the purpose in this Life all the more. I thank you again for all you represented to me and Dad and Roy, but I thank you most of all for just being your beautiful self.
You never complained. You never cursed. You just took the trial after trial you had to endure and faced them all head on. I admire that so much and understand WHY you were not afraid to die anymore. Some days I have wished for it myself. I can only imagine how much pain you were in for so long! I am sorry for that Mama. I wish I could have taken it all away. But God knew you were strong enough to handle it well and handle it well you did. You taught me so much all of my Life but I think the greatest gift you gave me Mom, was the gift of the Gospel, your beliefs, and your steadfast love for our Creator. I am forever indebted for you being such a great Mom.
With all the changes in 2000-2010, there were so many times after you died that I wished you were here to talk to. I know in your own way you were but I surely missed your hugs and warmth and wonderful belly laughter. You always knew how to comfort me. It proved invaluable beyond words and throughout this trial of mine (since late October, 2010) I have grasped onto your strength and His and both have carried me through some pretty painful days.
On the mend now, I have my good days and not so good ones, but in it all, I remember you with a smile, with tears, and yes, with laughter and smiles. I miss you. I always will. But I know God wants me here for awhile longer and only He knows the day and hour I will be reunited with you. I am sure you have SO much to share with me, Dad and Roy as do we with you.
Dad and Roy are well. They are "hanging tough" like I am and it is good to be closer once again, both physically and communicatively (is that a word) - well it IS now. I speak to them alot through written emails, texts, phone calls and yes, visits as well. I hope to see them once a month as time allows. We were together in October, in November and in December. I could not make it in January and this month has been busy thus far, but I just want to make sure I am "good to go" before I do much of anything public. I even have been going to church via podcast and live video and the only two things I have done in big crowds thus far have been a great rendition of The Nutcracker, a belated gift for Dad's birthday and An Evening of Brazilian Tango. Both were awesome and I know you would have enjoyed them immensely. Other than work, I simply go to the parks and mountains with Spirit, who turned one year old on the 31st of January. He sure grew up fast and is a great dog - just like his Uncle Wolfie. You would love him Mom and I know he would adore you.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I still think of you all the time and although I am SO happy that you are pain-free and in the presence of our Savior and all believers who have passed before us, I still have ouchies that you are not here with us in the flesh. I could never be cruel enough though to bring you back to this world after experiencing Heaven. I just have to be patient I guess. Smile!
I love you and in the days ahead as Valentine's Day and your 4th year Angelversary approach us, I will be adding a special tribute page to you and share more news of our lives and our happenings here.
Hugs and Kisses, Now and Always,
Your Daughter (and Spirit)
Dad & Roy
Dad and Roy are missing you too. We speak of you often and know you are well.
I make sure to remember special days and keep them special like your Anniversary with Dad and their birthdays - just like you did. We hope to do a hike this next visit - most likely in March. I will be sure to take new photos and share them with you.
Handsome Roy Smiling for You, Mom
May 11th, 2011
Happy Birthday, Mama,
Today would have been your 87th in Heaven. I so often picture you creating these lavish feasts for our King and all others who are with you there. I miss those beautiful lunches and dinners you made us. I miss the added love that you always added to everything you did. I miss your hugs. I miss your great laughter. I miss our talks. But must of all I miss the very essence of you and SEE and FEEL you everywhere.
Today was spent celebrating your Life. I find that so much more productive and wonderful than to focus on mourning your death.
I know every day means we are one day closer to being reunited with you. I no longer count the days, but I surely look forward to them. I love you Mama and miss you lots.
Your Daughter (and Spirit)
June 17th, 2011
Hugs and Kisses to you in Heaven Mama... 4 days from now, our Summer officially begins, but we have had gorgeous weather for over two months now so we really cannot complain as alot of the other States are experiencing floods, heavy rainfall, fires and major discomfort. Our prayers are lifted for all of those affected by these events.
I could not help to remember you as I recall how much you enjoyed the sun and loved Summer. As kids, you would take us to Keyhole (Verdugo) Pool in Glendale and Pickwick in Burbank (back when they had their famous 1,000,000 gallon pool) and we sure had a fun time each and every day at both places. I remember, we would swim all day and you would treat our friends and us all to Tastee Freeze - yum - I can still remember each of those precious times.
When we got a bit older, we would visit Lake Hughes and Castaic Lake and have so much fun - I remember how you would make the best sandwiches, and pack watermelon and cantaloupe, drinks and goodies for everyone - we sure had one heck of alot of fun back then. I thank you for every one of those memories.
Then, we would have picnics and the older I got, you allowed me the honor to pack them and prepare them for you and Dad, sometimes Roy and oftentimes with me and friends. Those were so much fun too.
As my careers progressed and more monies were earned, I had the distinct pleasure of giving you and Dad back all what you gave me over the years and I also had the honor of treating you to many getaway weekends to SFO, Monterey, Carmel, Trees of Mystery, Oregon, Washington, Catalina, the Grand Canyon, and our favorite, Yosemite National Park, which we visited often. How wonderful those memories are to me - how awesome they all were and how precious they are now in your absence.
An example of this would be most recently when I went to Yosemite, Sequoia, Kings Canyon, Shaver Lake and China Peak. All I had to do was close my eyes, for example, at Tunnel View and envision you there with me. So many laughs, and even some tears, but all in all, GREAT TIMES. I would not trade my childhood and 20's, and 30's for anything in the world.
My 40's have had their share of ups and downs, namely due to health, some poor decisions and ofcourse, worst of all, your death and the long, ailing demise you suffered in our midst. How I wish I could have taken that pain and suffered it for you.
I have gone through some painful months physically for awhile now, and you so often come to mind. I admire your strength in facing all you did Mom. You truly made this journey of mine, so much more doable, so much more worthwhile and even though you have been physically "gone" from our side in the flesh, I "feel" you with me always as I do the good Lord. I "see" you in the deer you promised to send me and lately, I am seeing all sorts of them more and more often, so I know you are still, in your own special way, looking out for me. I thank you so much for that. Your "presence" and His Love IN me, makes me invincible to the outside world and anything Life brings.
As we honor Dad and Roy for Father's Day, my heart goes out to them both for your loss as well. I know how I miss you, and can only imagine how much they do also. I am planning a visit soon and had hoped to make it up there this week, but schedules just did not allow and so I will be up there soon enough in early July to visit with Dad, and then to help Roy and Michelle move to Oregon. Funny, how they are moving up there. They will love it as much as I did. So pretty and the city they are moving to will not be as crowded as Portland became. The 80's were alot different than now, but I am sure they will still love it, especially Roy who loves the outdoors. It will clear his head and mind alot for sure as MT did for me. A wonderful place to escape this sometimes crazy world.
Mama, I love you. I am doing really well. Spirit is growing up so handsome and so good, just like his Uncle Wolfie and we have a surprise for you coming next month in that Heidi, the breeder you met in Ojai, will be giving me one of Spirit's Mom's pups, so we will be growing our family again. I have named him Summit. Jules, my friend in Kalispell said it best when she heard that name. She said, "Heidi, sis, it fits you so well, because you climb to the highest peaks of faith and mountains too." I think that describes me best these days. So much goodness all around me. Love totally encompasses me - agape Love - from Above - I know it is God-ordained and you had something to do with it all. I thank you.
I love you and miss you each day but now I understand with every day that passes, I can count on the day that is one day closer to our reunion. I long for that day indeed. It will be awesome. Until then Mom, know you are loved so very much.
Always and forever your daughter.
Just Us, Mama... Still Loving and Missing You!!
September 11th, 2011
Wow, Mom, as the world stops and reflects upon the USA's 9/11 Tragedy, I cannot help to remember our own loss of you 1,667 days ago. It does not hurt any less that you died in the manner you did. And we did not suffer any less than those who witnessed the atrocities at the hands of terrorists that fateful day, ten years ago. You were still alive with us, but who would have thought that less than 4 years later, you would be gone?
As we remember the poor souls lost in the towers and in those planes, and the Pentagon crash too, we hurt for them yes, and for ourselves too. This America has never been the same since. Our world just is no longer the same kind and gentle world we were when you and Dad came to this country - a land of Dreams Come True indeed back then, but hard to make that happen now. I know Life is cyclical, but I cannot help to think that we will NOT be able to return back to the "way things were" - not this time around. We have let things go too far... God cannot possibly be pleased at how far we have let things slide.
But I recognize that certain things, in and of themselves, do not hold the answer to the War on Terror or making the world a better place, as you intended it to be. All the defense and military enhancements, all the vigilance, none of it will work alone to make this a better world once more.
To paraphrase Pastor Greg Laurie's message the other day, this battle ultimately will not be won with M-16s; it will be won with John 3:16, which tells us that "God loved the world so much that he gave His one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life."
"Homeland security" will never be achieved until we secure a new homeland—a heavenly citizenship—which can only be obtained through placing our faith in Jesus Christ.
In all I do, and all I say, I try to reflect you Lord. I want so much to be the Bible that so many people do not read. I fail but I do my best and always strive to get better at it until our Sweet Lord's return. Seeing over 5,900 people accept 5 altar calls from Pastor Laurie last night at the first-ever Los Angeles Harvest Crusade at Dodger Stadium gives me great hope in our World. God will always be stronger than Satan. It is my fervent prayer that we all seek God and turn away from Satan's temptations daily. I know in my age, definitely is coming the wisdom needed to do just that. I wish to pass this on. I love you Mom and just wanted you to know I am thinking of you now, today and always until we are able to be together again. Hugs and kisses. Me and the 4-legged boys, Summit and Spirit.
Our two boys, Spirit and Summit
September 14th, 2011
The addition of Summit into the family was so welcomed and so "the right thing to do" for Spirit and for me. I had some apprehension at first because I am so busy, but I had heard of others that have worked with Heidi, my GSD breeder and because Spirit was such a loving dog, I figured getting a relative of his, in this case, his brother (same dam, different sire), it may just work out nicely. And so, it has! The two brothers are two peas in a pod - the only differences are that Spirit is a short, wire-hair and Summit is a long-hair. Also, in personalities, both are energetic beyond belief (I wonder where they got that from - ha ha - ME), but whereas Spirit is one to let things ride and can calm down quickly, Summit, if he does not like something, boy, he sure lets one know it. Ha ha. Very cute. Mom, you would have loved them just as much as Wolfie. They could be his twins for sure and often, they help the hurt I still feel in losing you and him the same year. I sure wish I could clone you as easily, but in their similarities, they are also unique, to each, his own beauty and I just wanted to share the latest photo with you today.
Until we see one another again, or I visit again here, Mama, know you are missed and loved as ever and always.
|Our Precious Summit|
|Happy 56th Anniversary to You & Dad. We Miss You!!|
October 13th, 2011
On this, what would have been your and Dad's 56th wedding anniversary, I find my thoughts going to all the wonderful anniversaries we shared with you, many of which, in my adult years, I could treat you and Dad too and cook for you. We miss you Mom and life has never been quite the same without your love, without your smile and without your presence.
I sent Dad a nice basket today full of goodies and I hope, in his own way, he can remember all the wonderful years you both shared.
I love you and remember you this day as always.
You are my Life, in my heart and in my soul for always until we see one another again.
A Beautiful Gift from Above Mom, Just Like You!
November 3, 2011
I am just stopping by as I sometimes do, when something reminds me of you and although that would mean I would visit here daily, as you know, time and our lives as they are, do not always allow us to do so.
It seems that a few things lately have taken me back to 2005-2007 alot - first, the death of Charlie and Betty mothers, both within the course of a week, Charlie's mom, reminded me so much of you. So beautiful, elegant, a strong lady, a wonderful wife and a great mother. Like you, the cornerstone of their family. Another Memorial to attend. There sure seem to be more and more of them again. I am sure you and her are getting along well in Heaven and that makes me smile.
Another thing, on the same topic, Dad turns 82 this year, and, as you were in your 82nd year, I thought it best to contact Salpy and see if all arrangements are secured and made in advance for him too. I do hope he stays as healthy as he is now, but I just want to be safe than sorry. Heck, I may join you before he does. None of us know the day or hour of our demise as you know. I know we are ready, whatever Life brings us and God asks of us. Dad is strong in his faith too and I am so happy about that. It gives us peace.
I cannot talk to Dad the way we talked about death, but I remember he wants to be cremated (I hate that) but it is HIS wish, so I will carry it out. I am securing that Book of Life Urn you and I saw and loved and will use that when needed. I am not sure yet if he wants his ashes spread or kept in the urn with me at home. Somehow, I will bring up the subject in a roundabout way and see what he thinks.
Another thing that brought me to think of you was that Dad and I are going to Cirque Du Soleil IRIS later this month, just after your Dad's birthday. We will be sure to remember his special day in honor of him and you. I will then treat him to a nice dinner. As I was making these plans, I could not help to remember how much you enjoyed Mystere, one of their first productions with me at Treasure Island. What fun we had that day and night, eh? Gosh, I miss those times Mama.
I live a good, quiet life now, but all too often, I want to pick up a phone and share something with you and all I can do is remember. Sigh. It has not been easy to grieve you and to let you go, but then again, celebrating all of our great times together makes it easier and I find I do not have to let go. Let's just say this Mom. Life is very different without you here in our physical presence.
Anyway, Mom, I need to go for now but just wanted to stop by and visit and share a photo I took last week that made me think of God's Majesty and His precious gifts to us all, which YOU have been the greatest gift He ever gave to me. I will always remember you and Honor Him for that precious gift.
I love you.
A Purple Rose - 5 Years with Our Lord
February 17th, 2012
Good Morning, Mama, in Heaven,
I will stop by this evening to write more about this fine day, but just wanted you to know, Dad, Roy, me and a host of others who loved you and knew you will honor your graduation from Earth to Heaven. So hard to believe you are gone 5 years today, this afternoon. More on that later, but for now, I simply wanted to say hello, I love you and wish you a blessed day.
Hugs forever and always Mom.
Your daughter, husband and son. (and Spirit and Sum Sum too).
Dad and Me on His 81st B-day Mama
May 11th through May 12th, 2012
Happy 88th Birthday Here On Earth As You Celebrate A Timeless Birthday in Heaven!!...
My Dearest Mom,
Yes, it is hard to believe that 5 years have passed already and we once again are faced with celebrating your birthday without you here with us all. As Christians, we know and understand you are in a better place and that we will see you again, but sometimes, those facts do not eliminate the hurt and void we feel without you in our midst physically.
I STILL, to this day, have a knee-jerk reaction to pick up a phone and call you after something exciting has happened in my Life or I witness something cool, or simply need a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen, and as I grab the phone, I shake my head in silly silence and realize my thought to reach you is futile.
Tomorrow, will be your 88th birthday and all I can think about is how special we would have made it for you as you always made our birthdays for us. I thought about you soooo much on my 50th last month and oh how I wished you could have shared Tahiti with us all. I know you would be in the pool and ocean with us all day long had you been given the opportunity. In a way, you were, because, I know Dad, Roy and I still take you with us always, in thought and deed.
My Bible Study the other day was entitled "Consider It Joy," and ofcourse, taken from the wonderful Book of James, the 1st Chapter, verses 2 through 5. I have been relying on that Book and the Book of Job too in my trials of recent years and have found so much comfort in them both, as I do in memories of you and what you would say to me if you were still here to counsel and guide me.
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you."
Finding joy in our trials is an idea that is totally foreign to most men and women today. When we encounter trouble today, we often ask, "Why did God let this happen?" Although we know you were going to die, sweet Mama, we did question the length of your suffering and the manner in which God allowed you to pass from us over that long two years you endured. We no longer do so and have learned so much through your passing.
God uses trials for many reasons, some to get us back on the path of true discipleship. Some trials help mold us into the type of people God wants us to be. Other trials and suffering are to bring God glory, as in the case of the Book of Job.
So how should we react to trials? God wants us to persevere. "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity." (II Timothy 1-7). We must put on the full Armor of God as described in Ephesians 6: 10-20. No Soldier ever goes into battle without the appropriate equipment designed to defeat the opponent. We must ask God for His wisdom.
We should be greatly encouraged that these troubles force us to stop relying on our own strength and draw us closer to God. This is a blessing, which we should consider pure joy. Trials are a means by which we are sanctified, another blessing to consider it joy.
We often see evidence of God's faithfulness during our times of trouble... consider it joy. It's during these trials that God desires to form in us the character of Christ. Consider it joy.
In your death, Mom and since your passing, we have found God to be our great Comforter and a Father of true compassion. I thank Him for giving you (and us) the strength to endure and persevere in all of our trials and suffering. I continue to ask Him to help me fight the good fight, to finish the race strong and that I do it with joy
in my heart. I also pray that through my troubles, that others will see Christ in me.
Mom, I still see signs of you all around us and thank you for allowing us to see them. I thank the Lord for every remembrance of you and as we celebrate tomorrow and this weekend, we will honor you for the beautiful lady
you were and the awesome Mama you always will be. You remain a wonderment to me. I love and miss you.
I ran across this poem about a Mother, and could not help to think of you. It is all SO true...
"Your mother is always with you...
She's the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street.
She's the smell of bleach in your freshly laundered socks.
She's the cool hand on your brow when you're not well.
Your mother lives inside your laughter. She's crystallized in every tear drop...
She's the place you came from,your first home.. She's the map you follow with every step that you take.
She's your first love and your first heartbreak....and nothing on earth can separate you.
Not time, Not space...Not even death....will ever separate you from your mother....
You carry her inside of you...."
Thank you for the countless memories Mom. Happy Birthday and Happy Mother's Day, your 6th in Heaven.
We Love You and Miss You SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH !!
Good evening, Mama,
It has been four months since I have posted to this site. I talk about you all the time and remember you daily, but I believe we all have reached a "comfort zone," in the Grief Process and in so doing, we choose to celebrate your Life versus mourning your death. We know you are in the presence of our Savior and no longer suffering and we find solace in that.
So much has happened since my last entry. I have a Praise Report to share! As you know, through my sharing stories with you, I have been suffering from the ravages of MRSA and as such, my ankle breaks and left leg damage just were not healing as they should. I would battle daily pain, daily swelling and barely able to wear a shoe. As it stands, I had to buy shoes two sizes too big just to get my feet in them. It has been a frustrating journey as you know, I have never been a couch potato type.
Well, since my awesome trips to Jerusalem, Israel and Tahiti, I have been on mission to get back into shape. The shape I was in before this terrible fall, and I could not see to get past the walking stage. I could not cycle without experiencing extreme pain and I could not run, so I was at a loss as to how to get past this hurdle that satan had placed before me and was using to his benefit.
With Bree Reiner's, my friend from Montana, untimely death, it got me to thinking I do not want to live like this anymore. All else in my Life was in order and yet, I could not move freely or pain-free. Taking up where she left off, because I know her Prayer Groups were going to miss her like I missed her, I stepped up to the plate and made a promise to her to become more actively involved in those Prayer Groups. Since her death in June, I have kept my promise. I also make it a point to stay in touch with her family. She reminded me soo much of you in so many ways. I am sure you and her are together now and sharing all sorts of stories. I find myself smiling when I think about you both because I know both your heart and hers were always about the Father's business - Love, Service, Kindness to All People, and the like. You are both EXACTLY where you want to be.
Oh Mom, I miss you daily. I am happy, true, and at a really good place in my Life but there are so many times I wish I could just come over, kidnap you off on one of our fun adventures to "somewhere/anywhere" and sometimes I just wish I could invite you over for dinner or treat you to coffee and cake or pie as we so often shared. I miss those time alot and I miss your wise counsel. I think I miss your laughter and presence most of all. Ofcourse, I miss your hugs.
Dad is doing well. He keeps busy at your/his Church and is staying really healthy. He had a health scare earlier this year with a brief bout of Pneumonia, but he was wise and took our advice and sought medical help sooner than later and through an antibiotic regimen, he was able to beat it. Thank God for His miracles.
Roy and I always joke that he will outlive us, but we know if he goes it most likely will be due to a fall or just quickly in his sleep as so many other relatives did. I sure think back to your long demise often Mama, and will never understand why you had to suffer so. I have reached the conclusion that God just felt you were strong enough and your life and death would serve as a witness of your Faith in Him, 'NO MATTER WHAT." I learned to be stronger because of you.
Since being away from Pat and the family there, my Life has been free of drama, free of emotional baggage and bondage, I have learned to love myself again and I can worship freely. To awake each morning, and to come home each evening to peace, has in and of itself been such a renewal of my Spirit and actually a Revival of my Faith. I have never felt closer to the Lord and for this, I am soooo grateful to you, to Him and to all who made my escape from those 9 years possible.
All of my physical pain, is so much easier to deal with when one has a clear mind and heart. Do you know how liberating it is to not be made to feel guilty for not "being good enough," or constantly yelled at or subjected to drama or sad or mean faces or attitudes?? Oh My Goodness, the realization hits me every day... I AM FREE!! And rather than pursue my love for one man in my Life and thinking I needed him to define my worth, God has broken me to the point wherein I KNOW my worth to Him. Being His daughter and His Bride is an honor and since giving those 9 years up, hard as it was to break those chains, it has served as the best thing that has ever happened to me other than having you as my Mama, Dad as my Dad and Roy as my Brother.
Roy is doing well too. He moved to Grants Pass, OR as I mentioned in an earlier entry. It is so much better there for him. He has better air, not as much crime, and the living area there is almost like a ranch or farm like setting with big and small houses all on the same large property. He gets to raise chickens and pheasants, eat fresh eggs, have a vegetable garden and hike whenever he pleases in God's Majesty. I so look forward to visiting him soon, most likely next month. I had hoped to this month, but it is just a busy time for me, and will not work out.
Personally, I am good. The fur kids, Spirit and Summit are now all grown up and cute than ever. So loving, so loyal, so playful and such good company. I just enjoy coming home after a busy day and enjoying a wonderful hike in God's Nature with them. My Praise Report begins with my Prayer Groups and this fellow member named Jerry. He asked to join in a Fast and you know I have always enjoyed an learned from my Fasting experiences. Well, his prayers were so poignant and hit so close to home, I felt this surge of energy and motivation, almost as if God gave me a firm Nod to proceed. So I began fasting on Labor Day with the intention to Fast of our Nation, Dad, Roy, my closest friends, all members of my prayer groups at Harvest, at Calvary Chapel and also my online Prayer Groups and all the needs of members there. This time, I stood up to the plate in boldness and asked for total healing of my ankles and leg too as well as my insides. I know you will be surprised to hear this, because I rarely get public with my own needs and desires. Well, it felt right to do so, so I did make my Fast public, not for some boast, or to say "Look at me," but rather to inspire others to surrender all to the Lord and in so doing, find their own revelation and healing..
Today marks Day #14 and I am doing GREAT. The odd part is this, I have been able to maintain my medium level of physical activity, long hikes, daily swims and not collapse. All I take is liquids, Flax Seed (one packet every morning)_and make sure I get plenty of rest. The MRSA had kept me from longer fasts throughout the year, and the last time I have been successful with a longer fast was in 2010 when I left Montana and was training for my first triathlon. I fasted for 17 days, ate one tuna sandwich and in two days of my breaking that fast, I not only ran/swam/biked the triathlon, I did very well for my age group. LOL. The Power of God is truly AMAZING!!
I was shooting for 14 Days and if I made it, I would go for 17 and then if I made that, then I would complete the entire 21. I will take me where God leads me. I now totally understand how He feeds us His Bread of Life with His Word, the Bible, and allows us to be quenched with His Living Water. You remember, I wanted to complete a 40 Day fast like Jesus, Noah, Moses and some others in the Bible. I am not sure if that is doable, but I sure will give it a good try, once my body recovers from this one.
For now, I am very happy with the feeling of being lighthearted. In Love with the Lord and listening to Him in all I do or say. Pastor Greg Laurie, Pastor Chuck Smith, Pastor Brian Brodersen, Pastor Jack Hibbs and so many other have been part of my healing journey too. They are such awesome men of God, it pains me to no end that I did not seek out someone like them when I was looking to date someone. A man that could lift me up not pull or put me down was what I needed. Sigh. Not meant to be. I thought I knew better and that I could help Patrick come to the Lord in total surrender. Nope, he is completely at home with his God of Convenience and that did not make for a blessed union. I am blessed to never have married him. Wisest decision I made and I thank God every day for allowing me to remain strong and not fall into that trap, for that would have been the lure of the enemy. God only knows how often satan got in the way of our union. God's prompting in me kept me single. I thank Him sooo much. Better a life alone without a man, than with the wrong one, I have heard said, to which I say a wholehearted AMEN.
Well, I better be going Mama, but I had to share my Praise Report and updates with you as I always have. I love you and am counting down the days to our reunion. How beautiful that day will be.
Always in love with you and always your daughter with Love,
Just me and the Boys <3 <3 <3 <3
February 17th, 2013
Today marks the 6-month Angelversary of Mom's passing and somehow, I was just beginning to feel "normal" and accepting your Death as a part of Life we all have to face, when here I am, so shortly after Dad just died too, over the Holidays, facing a "Double Whammy" of sorts, with my emotions running amok. On the flipside... Work is great. The Fur Boys are amazing. I just got over the "flu from hell" for which I am so grateful for. I feel so blessed in so many ways, and here I sit, wide awake at almost 2am, with the biggest lump in my throat, that I cannot seem to clear out. Sigh. BOTTOM LINE: I MISS YOU!!
With you both gone now, it has left such a chasm in my heart, that I literally ache at times from the hole that exists there. I know Roy is dealing with this as well as we have had many a conversation about how "odd" we both feel since Dad's death. It is as if we relived your death Mom all over again.
Grief is such a unique and individual journey and it truly is a process. Some people seem to go through it with seemingly little or no emotion at all. Others are crippled by it and fall into this deep depression. I seem to "fit" somewhere in between. I have "my moments" of sheer wonderment in reliving our countless fond memories together. And then I have those painstaking memories of both of you suffering, certainly at very different levels, with Mom being so ill for two years and yet Dad, so surprised himself, that of all people, "he" landed in the CCU with a massive heart attack. Both with the same end result. Death. I do not even have Dad's ashes yet, so I need to visit you both at Mom's graveside which I will do faithfully as I have every year since your demise. Sigh.
I look at this picture and have to smile for it speaks volumes to the Simple Love you have for each other and that you had for us and likewise Roy and I had/have for you. I will leave this post with that thought as I rather smile than cry, although I know I will continue to do plenty of both before I feel settled with all of this raw emotion.
Dad, you have your Lady Love back in your arms and Mom, I bet this Angelversary in Heaven will be so much nicer than the previous five! I am not sure if you realize this but Roy and I figured out that you both lived 5-3/4 years without the other. Interesting huh? You guys really did bring "The Notebook" to Life as you both died on a Saturday, and both were 5-3/4 apart in age. Even in Death, you did things together. How beautiful is that?
My biggest solace comes from knowing you are no longer in pain and no longer apart. It is Roy and I now who have to deal with the missing of you physically here.
I have to admit, we both thought it would be easier "this time around." As we are discovering with each day that passes, it is much worse. We are forever thankful for having great parents like you and feel blessed to have had you for so many years.
With that said, I wish you both a beautiful Day and tell you both you are forever loved and yes, so very missed. ♥ ♥ ♥
May 11th, 2013 Happy Birthday, Mama! Now, your first in Heaven within which you can share with Dad. I miss you and love you and will write a nice Tribute when we get back from L.A. Hugs and kisses. <3
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